Chapter 3 - Hi, i'm Bil (4th part of chapter 3)

(1st picture : That's supposedly Zackari..) ( 2nd picture:That's how the guitarist should look like in my story!)

“AHHHHH!!” I bawled as I made a jump to slide underneath him. It worked magnificently and he was still staring at my rather childish way of running away. My ribs ached a little from the hard surface I slid on but it didn’t hassle me. I was free, almost at least. Scrambling to get up, I realized my purse was just sprawled on the floor somewhere not too far in front of me.

I rushed over nearly tripping, picked it up and ran out of the accursed venue as fast as I could. I was panting like a dog the second I stopped running. My hands were on both my knees to support myself from falling. At least I got my prized purse back. I looked at it and nearly shrieked and farted at the same time. Did I mention how my bowel movements were often irregular? My pitiful purse was tattered and torn not to mention filthy and no longer useable. Hesitatingly, I threw it away into a nearby trashcan. If only I hadn’t followed Sabine to this party! Where was she anyway?

I decided to give her a call and probably meet her back home as I wanted to wander around a bit. “Hello, where are you?” I asked. A long loud squeal was heard on the other end of the line. I held the phone away from my ear and shut my eyes till she stopped squealing.

“Bill!!!! I can’t believe you created such a mess in there! What were you thinking?!” Sabine asked, still sounding shrilly. Sighing, I told her what really happened. “Hey, as if I planned for all that raucous to take place. I dropped my damn purse, went searching for it as it got kicked around. Have you any idea how ugly it looked when I finally found it? HUH?!” I retorted. “Sheesh!”

“Ohhh..But I still don’t know how you wound up on stage. I don’t think I want to know either! Haha!” she replied. I didn’t feel like explaining anything to her anyway. It was getting dark and I wanted to have dinner before going home. “Sabine, I’m gonna go have dinner before coming home k?”

“Ok, Bil. Mind you, don’t be late. My parents won’t like it.”

“I get it, see you later.” I said and clicked off the phone. Maybe I should head over to Wendy’s. I’ve always wanted to eat there but never had a blinking opportunity. I should take a cab, I thought. Or I could save my cash and walk instead. It wasn’t that far. Approximately 15 minutes if I walk. I get to eat at Wendy’s! I get to eat at Wendy’s! I was thrilled as I knew the lamb chop they served was succulent and exquisite. How could I say no to it? And so, I walked to my desired restaurant and pigged out for at least 1 hour before calling a cab to pick me up and drop me home.

* * *

“Put me down you damn useless idiot!” I shrieked, scolding the bouncer with all my strength. He still wasn’t putting me down. In fact, he was shaking me back and forth, left and right till my whole world spun around me. He kept calling me “Bil! Bil!” All I could do was to try to not puke from the swirls he was making.

I woke up suddenly and saw that it was Sabine. “Bil, wake up!” she half shouted. I stirred for awhile before sitting up to listen to whatever she had to say. I was still heavy-eyed from lack of sleep. However, at least I didn’t have to live through that whole reenactment of the bouncer incident.

“What is it?” I asked her, trying to sound as polite as possible whereas in actual fact, I wanted very much to shave all her hair off. She eyed me queerly and said “Don’t you even remember what’s happening this Monday which is like, 2 days away?”

Monday…Monday…What was happening on Monday? Were we going somewhere special? Was it her birthday? Oh my God! It has to be her birthday. I don’t even remember when her birthday is anymore.

“Umm, is it your birthday?” I asked wearily. She frowned at me oddly and snickered. “Bil, where is your head? It’s the opening ceremony for freshmen at our soon to be university. Hello? Education? That’s why you’re here?”

“Ohh! Jeez, I totally forgot about it! My whole mind is so bleargh! Why’d you wake me up for anyway? To tell me that?” I asked, still feeling sleepy and slightly irritated.

“My dear, don’t you want to go shopping for a new gown? It’s a formal occasion and I don’t think you brought anything suitable except shorts and jeans.” Sabine replied, shaking her head as she looked at my clothes hanging in the open wardrobe.

She was absolutely right. I had nothing even close to formal. “Fine… Let’s go out.” I responded blearily, getting out hesitatingly from under my soft, comfortable and warm blanket. I treaded away from the bed and into the bathroom where I could brush my teeth and take a shower at a snail’s pace. I turned the shower on full blast to fill up the bathtub and the steam rose till the mirrors were misty. As soon as the tub was full, I slipped off my bathrobe letting it fall to the floor and climbed in. The warm water was relaxing against my cold skin and heated me up instantly. I pumped the soap from the dispenser and applied it all over my body making sure I was clean all over. Then, I fished out my shampoo and started shampooing my hair thoroughly. Ahh..I had not bathed in a bathtub for ages and this was exceptionally pleasing. I rinsed out all the soap and splashed water on my face. Feeling contented, I got out from the tub and proceeded to dry myself from head to toe not missing even an inch of my bare skin. I put on my casual clothes and exited the bathroom to find Sabine chatting online with Paul.

“Hey, you’re done! Let’s go!” she exclaimed as she saw me walk towards her. “Just let me say bye to Paul first.”

Her fingers moved quickly all over the keyboard as she typed. She switched off the laptop and closed the lid carefully. “Let’s go, let’s go,” she chimed. As soon as we went out of her house, she locked the doors checking warily if the doors are properly secured. We got into her car and she drove off to Müller& Co where we would buy our gowns for the upcoming formal procedure.

Chapter 3 - Hi, i'm Bil (3rd part of chapter 3)

He looked complacently at me and held his head up high in the air making sure his nose could almost touch the ceiling. He must have thought he was quite sharp as to think I was a fan trying to get onstage. If only he knew how thick he was.

“Hey there, you!” I heard the vocalist say. Pfft! Which “lucky” fan was it now? This is such a waste of my time. As I strode away from the insolent bouncer who refused to allow me access to rescue my purse, I was once again lifted (sadly) and carried onto stage.

“Why the hell, are you putting me here?! First you won’t let me pass and now you put me HERE?!” I shrieked at the same bouncer who looked intentionally oblivious to my wails. “URRGGGHHHH!!!!!”

“Hello there miss!” the vocalist said, suddenly so close to me now. Was he talking to me? I looked around to find anyone else he might be talking to but there weren’t any, unfortunately. I wasn’t at all concerned in having a little onstage conversation with him. I just wanted to get my purse and get the hell out of this earsplitting club.

“Hi, can I please get down from here? I want to find my purse I dropped and get out,”I said, hoping he heard me.

“I’m Zackari, the vocalist, but I’m guessing you already know that! What’s your name?” he asked, smiling so merrily it looked forged. I’m guessing he didn’t hear a single word I said. And no, I didn’t know any of that. I let out a huge sigh.

“I’m Nabilah. You can call me Bil,”I answered. That’s when I saw Sabine screaming and waving frenetically at me. Oh goodness. When is my melancholy going to end? “So Bil, you seem to be a huge fan of us as I’ve observed.”

He thought I was a huge fan just because I looked like I was dying to get onstage to meet them. How cliché is that? All eyes were on me now. That’s when I realized hundreds of people were staring at me talk and be close to their idol. Girls were staring at me unhappily wishing in silence they could take my place. They have no idea that I would be willing to trade places with them anytime. I was tired, agitated, and hungry. To top it all, I couldn’t leave this place.

“So what’s your favourite song, Bil?” he asked, still not realizing that I place no interest in him.

“Am I your favourite member of the band?” The crowd ooh-ed and ahh-ed while I stood there
staring at him with my mouth agape. How on earth could someone suggest such a thing?

Publicly? He was so vainglorious! He kept winking at me and running his fingers through his already perfect hair. Eww. His actions were nauseating but it managed to make several girls hold the railings separating the crowd from the stage so as not to faint and fall.

“Ermm.. I don’t have a favourite song,”I said, staring at him skeptically. I actually hoped that my disapproving look would send the message to him instantly but he just got blonder.

“See everyone, all our songs are great she can’t even choose!” he roared into the mike, sucking in all the screams and cries turning the energy into his. I suspected this was going to be eternal and decided to try and tell him nicely.

“Excuse me, “I whispered. “I’m not a fan. This is the first time I’m here. I dropped my purse and am just looking for my purse.” I hope he understood. I’m presuming he did because he nodded his head understandingly and patted my shoulder.

“So you’d love to see us rehearse? No problem! Does anyone else wanna see us rehearse?!” he shouted, once again deaf to my wishes. The club echoed with more clamor. I’m just going to walk out of here without further trying to tell him. What a waste of my precious time!

“If you join a contest we’re organizing and win, you’re entitled to backstage passes, rehearsal passes, aftershow party passes and we’ll even throw in a little goodie bag for you!” he claimed. He suddenly took whole of my arm and asked me what song I would like to hear.

“I don’t know. I told you I haven’t heard any songs before. Why don’t you sing whatever you want to sing and I’m outta here.” I said, trying to free myself from his grip.


“Don’t be shy, you can stay here for a little while more!” he replied, holding me tighter. “In fact, let’s sing together! I’ll sing “Willst Du Mich Ficken?” It’s the very first song lyrics I wrote.” He added gleefully not knowing how perverted he sounded. The song started playing as the band members played their instruments.

“Sorry, sing that song by yourself, I want out.” I quickly tried to loosen his hold and yanked my arm away roughly. Because it was so rough, I accidentally knocked over the mike stand which then hit the guitarist’s mike stand. A loud screeching noise was heard all over the club as the mikes collided with one another. That wasn’t all. It seemed that the slight collision caused the guitarist to jerk a little and drop his (hopefully inexpensive) guitar. The crowd groaned loudly hearing the shrill screeching noise and hurriedly pressed their palms on their ears hoping to shield themselves from the deafening noise. Oh the calamity I’ve caused!

“I’m so sorrryyy!! I’m leaving!” I shouted as I comically tried to leave the stage turning left and right but not knowing where to jump off. “Ahaa! There’s the stairs!” I quickly ran down the stairs and headed for the exit but failed as the idiotic bouncer once again tried to stop me. What was wrong with him? His hands and legs were wide apart trying to grab me should I attempt to escape from his watch.

“Move asshole!” I barked. Most of the crowd had already dispersed leaving only fans who want to get a taste of the band. He didn’t budge an inch which really angered me. This party had been nothing but a nightmare. That was when I came up with a brilliant plan.

Chapter 3 - Hi, i'm Bil (2nd part of chapter 3)

I didn’t know what to say, let alone do. All I did was to straighten my shirt and nod my head at the right moments. “Sabine…I don’t know what to say…I’m so sorry…,”I finally said. She took my hand in hers and squeezed it.

“Hey, guys are just guys. Friends last forever. At least we both know what’s been going on inside our minds these years,” she said. Her face had a sweet smile but her sad eyes told the story. I was upset too. I never knew that Paul and Romano had feelings for me. Especially Paul. If I had known earlier that he liked me, I would have told him unerringly how I felt. But that would mean breaking Sabine’s heart. I couldn’t. I wouldn’t.

“Yeah, friends last forever.” Well, some of them, I thought as Romina came to mind. “Don’t worry babe, Paul’s evidently in love with you. Besides, my crush on Paul died out long ago. There are guys in Malaysia too you know, “I said, patting her back trying to calm her nerves. I felt relieved as she knew I had a crush on her boyfriend last time.

“Ok Bil, let’s wash all these negative thoughts out. Let’s go to a party!”Sabine suggested. That was probably the best idea I’d heard in days. That way we could have fun and not think about boyfriend troubles. It would get even more uncomfortable between us if we didn’t do something to release the tension around us. “Just what kind of party do you have in mind? Because, I don’t drink.” In case she has forgotten, my religion does not allow us followers to drink alcohol. I thought I had already imprinted that in her blonde head.

“Bil, it’s just a drink. You’re not gonna die,” she replied, much to my surprise. “I’m not allowed to consume alcohol! It’s against my belief.” She cringed and slapped her forehead playfully. “How could I ever have forgotten? Dear me,”she said. “Sabine, Sabine, I think this is why I missed you so much. Your lack of consideration for me is so desirable.” She laughed loudly and tossed her hair to one side of her face. Her hair was beautiful. Have I mentioned that? I suppose not. I have lost count of her aptness.

“Anyway, it’s just a music kinda party. I know the band so I got free admission,” Sabine said. “The guys are pretty cool. You’ll like them once I introduce you.”

It sounded like fun. I love music anyway. There’s bound to be a couple of fit guys there. Sabine said it would be fun. If it wasn’t, well, let’s just not think about that.

“Bil! Isn’t this great? They’re playing music from Fettes Brot! You like Fettes Brot right?” Sabine asked me, shouting into my ear against the intolerably loud but good music. The guitarist was jamming in passion with his eyes closed and guitar behind his back (don’t ask me how he played). It must have been out of pure passion. As for the vocalist, he looked really fit. Sabine told me he was half French, half German. Everyone knows that combination is deadly adorable. No wonder there were so many screaming girls here. Despite that, I wasn’t exactly what you would say interested. He looked quite stuck up. Who wouldn’t? He was adored by all these…flashing girls. I wouldn’t flash for my life so go figure.

Anyway, they were playing Soll das alles sein, one of my favorites. What was so special about this band? I didn’t feel impressed at all. Just because the lead singer and guitarist are so hot doesn’t mean the band is great. Girls just don’t know how to distinguish between good music and hot guys. Most successful singers are ugly (no offence). We all know these girls are here to drool and ogle at the guys, not to listen to music. According to my observation, the vocalist was the cutest. The guitarist wasn’t all too bad either. He had a very unique look, rather distinctive. He also had amiable guitar skills. The club was packed with people and it was a wee bit hard to breathe in here.

“I have to get out of here for awhile!” I screamed to Sabine, hoping she heard my voice amidst the super loud music.

“Hey!” She still didn’t hear me so I left without trying harder. Trying to find my way out, I accidentally dropped my LV purse onto the floor in the sea of people. Oh no! “Where is it?” I whispered to myself. Damn it, what a time to drop my purse. I can barely walk here let alone look for things!

“There it is!” I claimed out loud, looking at my purse which was near a bouncer guarding the stage. I quickly hurried towards the stage area to recover my purse. Well, sort of hurried. As I have earlier mentioned, the club was packed full with people. So, my steps weren’t exactly quick or hurried.

“OUCH!” I shouted. Someone had just elbowed my stomach hard. Damn it! I finally reached my purse and attempted to pick it up. My endeavor was brought to a halt as out of the blue; big strong hands lifted me by the waist and pulled me away from the stage.

“Hey, Hey! Put me down!” I shouted frantically as I realized that it was the bouncer who carted me away. I punched his back with my free hand frenziedly hoping he would drop me, gently of course. “Sie werden nicht erlaubt, hier zu sein!” he hollered.

“What? I’m not allowed to be here? I’m just taking my- oh wait, do you think i actually bother to run onto stage and clobber them down?!” I claimed loudly, looking at him fold his arms and watching me closely. I rolled my eyes and started; “Ich suche nur meine Handtasche! Hello? Just looking for my purse! Over there! Da! ” I shouted as I pointed at the direction of my purse which looked trashy now.

He seemed to ignore my pleas as he held out a hand in front of me as a gesture to step away from the stage. Oh for the love of heavens, please help me. I’m about to burst out in flames from my anguish.

“Ok, if you really don’t wanna listen to me. You leave me no choice. No choice! Heard me? Keine Wahl!” I screamed and tried my best to barge past him to get my purse but his huge body made it impossible.

I banged into him roughly like a rugby player with my entire valor and fell down with a loud thump. It was much too unfeasible to overpower this huge entity in front of me. How was I ever going to get a hold of my purse back? I decided to try and use sign language to communicate with him. He probably is too dense to understand what “trying to get my purse back” means in both German and English. How could one have such a colossal head but vacant brain?

“Hel-lo, I am try-ing to get my pur-se o-ver there!” I said, pointing to my purse on the floor while making a rectangular shape in air and even breaking each word into a few syllables making it easier for his comprehension.

Chapter 3 - Hi, i'm Bil (1st part of chapter 3)

“Hey Sabine, I’m really delighted to see you again. I mean, hanging out with you guys last night was cool and all but Romina has completely evolved.” She smiled at me and plainly said “I know.”

Sabine helped me unpack my luggage and store my clothes into her spare wardrobe. I was staying at her house as she had suggested much earlier. I loved her house. It was warm, snug and homey. Her parents were darlings too. As the only child, she needn’t be bothered about not getting anything she wishes for. What I love mainly about her is that she on no account lets herself drown in her wealth. She is a very self-effacing individual and I adore her for that. I suppose that’s why I clicked with her instantly the second we met and became best friends.

“You know what Bil? You haven’t even contacted your family to tell them you’ve arrived safely.” Oh my God! She’s absolutely right. I had better call them now. “Yes, thank you so much for reminding me! I’m all over it now.”

What was the country code again? Oh yeah, 06. I punched the numbers into the phone carefully and waited for someone to pick up. The dialling tone went on for about three times more till my sister, Kak Shidah picked up the phone. “Hello Kak Shidah? I reached already and I’m staying at Sabine’s house.” “Ya! You reached YESTERDAY and you only called today? Mom was damn worried ok!” Kak Shidah was practically yelling at me now. It was my fault after all. If only I hadn’t been so forgetful and called earlier. “Bodoh! Mom wants to talk to you now.” I waited for my mom to take over the phone and closed my eyes. “Bil? Why didn’t you call as soon as you reached yesterday huh?”Mom questioned.

“Sorry mom, I went out with my friends yesterday as soon as I arrived. That’s why I forgot.” Hopefully that was enough for her. “OK la, take care of yourself properly. Don’t go out late at night, don’t talk to strangers. Faham?” “Ya mom, I understand perfectly. Bye.”

I put the phone back into its place and sighed. “Thank God you called right?” Sabine asked. “Oh yeah, thank the heavens. I got a rather harsh scolding by my sister.” Sabine sat down next to me and switched on the television. Her bedroom was large. It had two wardrobes, a study table, a bookshelf, a 42” LCD TV, a double bed, an extravagant bathroom, and a lovely dressing table which was piled with tons of accessories and make-up. It was any girl’s dream bedroom. It was my dream bedroom.

Sabine’s life was perfect enough. If there was anything else about her that was perfect, please just kill me. She’s beautiful, rich, and erudite plus she has the most breathtaking boyfriend on earth who’s willing to do anything for her. I on the other hand, need a shrink to help me live with such a flawless friend. I’m going to end up as the girl who attends all her friends’ weddings as the bridesmaid and nothing more. I’m never going to have a boyfriend. I’m going to end up living alone in misery. I’m going to be unloved and unwanted. I’m going to grow old alone. I’m going to die alone. No one will come to my funeral. I’ll even have to celebrate my death alone. After that, no one will visit my grave to adorn it with flowers. My tombstone will rot away and eventually be ruined by time. I’m going to –

“Bil… What are you thinking about?” Sabine asked. Even her voice sounded nice. Oh yes, I forgot to mention how well she can sing. “I just… Oh you know… thinking about my future…” Some future, I thought. “Don’t worry Bil. You’ll have a wonderful life. You’re sweet, pretty, fun and adventurous. Any guy would be lucky to have you.”

Was she pulling my leg? “Very funny, dear. No wonder I never had a boyfriend all these 17 years.” “Bil…Let me tell you something,” she started. “Have you any idea how many guys were interested in you while we were in school?” My eyes widened with disbelief. “Do you remember Romano? Hello?! He used to ask me all kinds of stuff about you. He’d ask me your favourite places, food and whatever. I never told you that because I wasn’t supposed to.”

“Romano liked me?”I asked her. “Yes. Bil! He was head over heels for you.” “But Sabine, how come he never said anything?”

“Bil, he tried to but you were oblivious to his indirect confessions. He seemed to notice that you were uninterested. Anyway, he gave up after he found out that you actually had a crush on…Paul.”

Oh no, she knew. “Sabine, I didn’t mean to keep that from you.” “It’s ok Bil, you don’t have to explain. Paul is like the cutest guy in our year. ”

“No Sabine, I WANT to explain! I liked Paul WAY before you started dating him. I’ve had feelings for him for years actually. What more? That day, you came up to me all giggly and happy telling me Paul had asked you out. I HAD to act all excited for you because I knew then that you had strong feelings for him as well.”

Sabine rubbed her eyes and said “Why didn’t you just tell me?” “I couldn’t! I didn’t want to ruin it for you. He’s obviously interested in you anyway, not me.”

Her eyelids fluttered at my statement. She cleared her throat and looked at me. “Actually Bil, to be very frank with you, that’s not entirely true. Paul had feelings for you at first.”
This was even more unbelievable. Paul Neis liked me? That’s like saying Sabine wasn’t perfect, which was impossible. “Are you sure, Sabine? Which nut told you that? It’s cause that sounds like complete bullshit.”

“I’m telling you the truth! Do you think it’s easy for me to tell you so simply that my boyfriend used to like you?” Her eyebrows knitted and she paused for awhile. “Romano told me. I worry sometimes, rarely, that he may still have feelings for you. Guys, we don’t know what’s really going on in their heads. You two were like the pot and the pie, in each other's pocket. But I guess he never did tell you because he wasn’t interested in a long-distance relationship.”

chapter 2 - beautiful Deutschland

“Excuse me, you dropped your book,” a stranger sitting behind me said. I woke up from my deep dreamless sleep in a jolt. “Thanks.” I bent down to pick it up and put it into my bag. The PA came on.

“We are about to touch down at the Munich Airport. Please ensure that you have not left any of your belongings behind. Thank you for flying with us. We hope you’ve had a pleasant journey.” I yawned and gathered my things together. The airplane had just reached the airport the moment I woke up. I had a bed head. Smoothening out my hair, I look outside and notice that the airport has changed a lot from when I last saw it. I hope the town hasn’t changed much too. I liked it the way it was.

Gosh, it had started to snow. I thought winter was almost over. It was quite a bummer but that meant I could go skiing! Sabine is supposed to pick me up from the airport. I hope she’s here already. Sabine was my closest friend when I stayed in Germany. She was with me through good and bad times as I was with her. I wonder if she’s different from when we last met.
Munich’s airport was vast and it was tough to look for Sabine in the crowd. I expected her to be waiting for me at the exit but I didn’t see her there.

The floor tiles of the airport were shiny silver and it made me feel dizzy. As if that wasn’t enough, I have my suitcase to lug around and it isn’t feather light. There was an elderly looking couple walking next to me trying their best to placate the little girl walking with them who looked no more than 5 years old. She must be their granddaughter I thought. “I want go Disneyland! Disneyland! Disneyland!” She kept squealing at the top of her high pitched voice and her grandparents couldn’t do a thing about it. The lady knelt down in front of her granddaughter and said sweetly “Your mommy and daddy will take you there ok? Come to Germany with me and Grandpa first ok?”

The little girl pouted and stuck out her lower lip. Slowly, she nodded her little head which made her blond curls bounce up and down. This little girl was very cute and had a set of blue eyes which looked so innocent. That was when I realized I was staring at them the whole time. Clearing my throat, I walked away and noticed a very proverbial face in the midst of the crowd smiling to me, flashing her teeth in a wide grin. It was Sabine! She was here!

“Nabilah! You mushy face! I’ve missed you so much! ,” Sabine screamed, hugging me zealously till I couldn’t breathe. I can’t put in plain words how I feel right now. My happiness is just too overwhelming. “I’ve missed you too…you schlampe.”

We broke our embrace and looked at each other. Sabine looked much more stunning than before. Merely looking at her made me shrivel in comparison. “I see you’ve lost a lot of weight Bil. Did you carry out that diet regime I planned for you?” Diet regime? Was she kidding me? Her idea of a diet was cereal in the morning, apples for lunch, and oats for dinner. Like I was ever going to sit through that.

“Of course I did! Whatever would I do without your diet plan for me?!” She looked at me appreciatively and helped me with my baggage. “Let’s go Bil. My boyfriend is waiting in the car for us with our friends as well.” I remembered her boyfriend. Oh, I remember him alright. We were in the same class for a few years and were very close. He was I daresay the hottest guy in our year. I used to have a massive crush on him but I kept it to myself. My world came crushing down when one day Sabine told me that he asked her out. I remember I had to act all excited for her even though I was hurting inside. I never did tell her. I don’t think I ever will.

“BILLLLLLL!!!!!!” I cringed when I heard my name. Who was calling me? I squinted to try to get a good look at a few girls who were waving at me quite a distance away. They came running at me the second I got nearer.
“Oh!” I cried out. It was Sandy, Tanja, Denise, Jana and Romina! “Guys!” I screamed as I ran towards them. These girls were my closest friends and we hung out every single day the last time. Boy have they changed! They have matured so much during all this time. We group hugged so tightly I almost suffocated. Simply looking at all my darling friends’ faces made me smile. It seemed like only yesterday had I left them. Yet the faces I gazed upon now were faces of young women. I don’t know whether it was the wind blowing into my eyes but I was tearing. I will never leave Germany for too long ever again. Ah! But I have two dear friends in Malaysia who will eventually miss me in time.

“Bil, get into the car. It’s gonna snow like crazy soon! ,”said Denise who hastily threw my baggage into the car. In the car, I saw Sabine’s boyfriend holding the steering wheel in one hand and the other, adjusting his seatbelt. He looked at me and smiled. “Hey Billy! Long time no see! Still chubby?”

Chubby? True enough I used to be a little chubby but that’s changed now. I lost a lot of weight and am certainly not chubby anymore. “Hey Paul, nice to see you too.”
I expected to feel that usual burning sensation I always felt when I see him but now, I don’t feel anything at all. I guess my feelings for him are lost. This was for the best after all. If Sabine ever found out, I wouldn’t know what to say to her. She’ll think she’s been a horrible friend to me all this while. Which, of course she wasn’t and never will be. “Ahemm… So, where are we going to first?”

“Aren’t you hungry? ,” Tanja asked. To think of it, I was starving. I had earlier declined a sandwich snack from the air stewardess on the plane. “May I suggest a place to go?” I asked Tanja. “Where would you like to eat at missy? ,”Paul asked, looking at me but paying interest to Sabine. “Haltsmaul Paul,” I retorted. “I’d loooovveeee to eat at Döner Kebab! I haven’t eaten there for years!”

“Whatttt!” shouted Romina, much to my surprise. “I just ate there last week!” The others didn’t look surprised though. “Can’t you be a little considerate? Bil hasn’t eaten there for years,” answered Jana sounding rather defensive. Romina put on a very dismayed look and snorted.

“Whatever…” She folded her arms and sat back roughly trying to show her exasperation.
In all honestly, I have no idea why Romina is like that now. She used to be this fun, crazy, adventurous girl but now, she looks as though she could enter a beauty pageant. But that’s not all! I bet if she broke her flawlessly manicured nail, she’d scream till the whole of Germany can hear her. I guess she’s changed for the worse.

“What? Get a life and stop staring at me” Romina said suddenly. She noticed that I was staring at her with such a judgmental look plastered on my face. I shifted awkwardly in my seat. “Nothing.” She looked at me again and muttered under her breath. “Loser”

I no longer knew this previous close friend of mine. It was heartrending for me as I expected to return to Germany to a whole lot of convivial friends I’ve missed so dearly. I hope my other friends are still the same as before and not like Miss Grandeur here.

This story is called Thoughts of the Living which i wrote specially for my friend Nabilah. Its only the first chapter...so yea..enjoy!

Chapter 1 - Departure

“Don’t forget to thank all your teachers for your excellent SPM results. They helped you get to where you are now,” said the school principal, Mrs.Norsham. A loud “Yes” followed and echoed throughout the entire hall. “I can’t believe I obtained straight A’s! I expected a few A’s and nothing more. I mean, come on and look at me. I barely studied for the exam! ,” said Justwin who was still trying to absorb her wonderful results.

“Yeah Justwin, good for you, unlike me, I only got 5 A’s!”said Ashwinna as she stared miserably at her result slip. I looked at her blankly and said “Cheer up Ash, at least you didn’t fail.” People were staring at us in an annoyed way as we walked past them to the canteen. It was probably because Justwin and I were the only students in school who managed to get a distinction in every subject. I was thrilled as my parents were going to be extremely proud of me. Also, I couldn’t wait to go to Germany.


I was planning to study architecture there and at the same time visit all my old friends whom I missed so very much. When I was just 11 years of age, my father received a letter from his company stating that he was to work in Germany. Therefore, my family was uprooted for 3 years. We had the time of our lives in Germany as it was entirely different from my place of birth, Malaysia. People there are much more open-minded about things and discussed topics which we Malaysians find either embarrassing or sensitive. We grew in love with the country and always found chances to go there for vacations. However, I am extremely happy that I finally have the chance to study there one more time to relive all those beautiful memories.

“What are you thinking about, Nabilah?”Justwin asked, staring at me as she chewed a prawn cracker which she bought at our school’s canteen. Her question brought me back to earth and far away from dreamland.
“I just remembered about Germany. I miss it there...,” I said as I bit my lower lip. Ashwinna gave me an understanding look and started to say “Don’t worry Bil, you’ll be on your way there sooner than you know it!”
“Yeah, you’re going so soon,” Justwin chirped in. I started to smile. “What will I do without you two monkeys?” Justwin let out a loud laugh at my statement and then looked at Ashwinna who was staring thunderstruck at us two. She said “I can never ever understand you two. Every single little thing seems to be so funny.”

She never ever did understand my jokes I always shared with Justwin during lessons in school. We would get a good scolding from the teacher every time we were caught talking and not paying full attention to her. Our most hated punishment was to stand outside of class as it was embarrassing. The class’s blabbermouths would then start talking about us to one another. It was not one of my best memories I’d say. What I loved about my form 4 and 5 was the fact that Justwin and –

“OH MY GOD!! Nabilah, look over there! ,”Justwin shrieked, pointing a perfectly manicured finger into the direction of a school boy who was walking towards us. I never noticed her nails before this. We stood up quickly from our benches. Oh dear God, this was not just any ordinary school boy. He was a school boy we had always admired since our fourth year at this school. Don’t get me wrong, we weren’t in love with the guy. We are just awed at his appearance. He was a year younger, had beautiful striking black eyes which contrasted against his super fair skin. Last year, Justwin had this habit of not knowing when to stop looking intently at him and that led her to being known all around the 3rd formers.

“Nabilah, remember what I said about the last day of form 5?”Justwin whispered as her eyes glistened with hope.
What did she say about the last day of form 5? I suddenly remembered. She wanted to hug him on the last day of school! “Yes, I remember now! Are you really going to do it? ,” I asked, thinking how insane she was. But if she were really to do so, I will most definitely not miss my chance for the world. He stopped directly in front of Justwin and looked at her in his usual blur fashion. I swear Justwin is going to collapse any minute now. I can just feel it.
“Congratulations on your results,” he said to Justwin, smiling like he had never smiled before. I cannot believe this. He’s actually talking to her! He never said a single word to us before this and now he initiates the conversation? Justwin was squirming terribly now. “Umm..Thanks. What are you doing here? ,” Justwin replied, finally daring to look at him. As if she would miss the chance to look at him face to face.

“I’m a prefect so I have to help with the result papers and stuff. That’s how I saw yours.” “I see. By the way, I hope you still don’t think I’m like...in love with you or something. I swear I’m not! ,” Justwin claimed. “Yeah, I get it. It’s nothing.” “Well then, you best be on your way because I can see that teacher over there calling to you. ,”Justwin said, pointing to the teacher standing far behind him.
“But before that, can I have a hug?” Justwin asked hopefully. He started blinking his eyes nonstop and adjusting his tie. That was what he always did when he was shy and or nervous. He looked so cute doing that. “Uh uh uh...Um um um..Uh uh uh...Ok? ,”he responded. Justwin smiled happily as she pulled him into a tight warm hug. Her dream just came true and so will mine.

“Hey, can I have a hug too?”I asked quickly before he left. Before he could even answer, he was already in my arms. If only time would stop and hold me here forever. I expected Ashwinna to grab him as well after I released my hold on him but she did not. “Bye guys,” he said as he left for the hall. The way he spoke was so adorable yet so gay. I laughed out loud at that thought. I always thought his voice sounded quite gay. “Ok, what is wrong with that guy? That’s exactly what he did when Tri-Xha talked to him last year. As if he’s never spoken to an older person before,” said Ashwinna, wrinkling her nose.

She was absolutely right. He never ever did speak comfortably with elder people. He would fidget with whatever he had on nervously and would mumble incoherently. I guess that was what made him seem adorable. I notice him quicken his step as the teacher beckoning him motioned her hand for him to move expeditiously. Justwin brusquely sighed and said “I can’t believe we’re never going to see him again. At least this was a perfect farewell.” We were never going to be able to hangout with one another like this anymore in due time. Ashwinna was staying in Malaysia, Justwin was going to study in London, and I was to be in Germany. It was dismaying but inevitable.
“Guys, you do know that I’ll be leaving tomorrow night right?” “Yes…we all know that,” answered Justwin. “And we’ll miss you a lot.” At that moment, I realised how much I was about to miss them. Terribly.

“Nabilah, take care of yourself when you’re there ok? ,” said mom as she gave me a hug. Dad didn’t say much except “Don’t fool around. Make sure you study hard.” I wasn’t about to say anything much either. I had nothing to say to them.I spoke to them every single day anyway.
“Bil, when you get there, please check whether Tokio Hotel’s latest CD is out already. And if it is, please buy it for me ok? ,”said my sister who was a bona fide fan of them for years now. I grunted at her request and agreed.

“Ok, Kak Shidah. Whatever you say. You da boss.” I waved to them, entering the doorway of the airplane which will bring me to paradise.